Part 4: Listening Instead of Expecting
Behaviour Spotlight – Choice
Giving a dog choices can help them feel more in control, especially when they're frightened. Rather than forcing interactions, allowing a dog to approach, retreat or investigate at their own pace helps build trust and confidence.
After several sleepless nights, it became obvious that persisting with the crate wasn't helping Lily settle. Watching her panic night after night was heartbreaking. We knew something had to change, but we also knew we didn't want to simply abandon the idea of a safe space altogether.
We spent hours researching, reading advice from experienced behaviourists and listening to other foster carers share their experiences. We couldn't understand why she reacted so strongly to the crate, especially when we'd been told she was crate trained.
We realised we were asking the wrong question. Not "How do we stop the crying"
But
"Why is she crying"
The following evening, we decided to try something different. We left the crate door open and positioned it across the kitchen doorway, creating a larger safe space where Lily could choose whether she wanted to lie inside the crate or just beside it.
We honestly didn't know if it would make any difference. Part of us wondered whether we'd simply be swapping one problem for another, but after watching Lily struggle night after night, we felt she deserved a different approach.
That evening felt different almost immediately. Instead of pacing for hours, Lily quietly explored her new sleeping area before curling up on her bed. For the first time since she'd arrived, we watched her settle without panic. We still stayed downstairs until she fell asleep. Not because she needed us to, but because it felt like the right thing to do.
Seeing her relax enough to sleep felt like the first real sign that we were beginning to understand each other.